she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize