I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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