my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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