my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
