we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
