am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
