fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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