we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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