You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
