Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
