Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
