Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
