If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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