Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
