4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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