I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
