I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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