I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
