Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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