He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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