Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
