I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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