He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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