How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I think I died a long time ago.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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