You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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