Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
