i permit you to call me
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize