and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
