I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
