I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
