Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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