Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
