nutella sex= disaster
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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