To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
my being single is dangerous.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
