So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
