the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
