wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
