$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
