I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
