I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
