Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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