yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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