we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
