a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You need Xanax blowdarts
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
