Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
