How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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