side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
