And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
