The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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