It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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