My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
