i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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