Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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