I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
