think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
