they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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