Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
