dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
