I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize