I bet he comes in French.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
