guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
where are my eyebrows?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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