i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
