Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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