Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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