the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
