There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
