She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
