suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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