I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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