I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
This show inspires me to have sex in space
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
