Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
