This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
