just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize