I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
