So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
