i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
