She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
