I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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