Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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